Disappointing Week

Yes, this week has been a disappointment.

I started saving the chapters I work on by the date I started working on them, and now I think that might be a mistake. I opened up the last chapter and saw that I started work on it September 20th. And it's only about half-finished.

I'm not mad at the circumstances, I'm disappointed that I let seven days go by without doing anything. (Though for a few days I felt like a dried-out cow patty.) I'm mad and disappointed in myself for not making the time, despite what's going on, to put words down.

I had the idea that weekends would be time off. But I've learned that I'm not the kind of person who can do that. If I take Saturday and Sunday off, my rebellious brain will find a way to say I shouldn't write Monday either, Monday needs to be about, oh, I don't know, re-grouting the kitchen.

It's self-defeating. I fail before I really begin, therefore I can't be hurt by rejections later. And, as a bonus, I can still say wistfully, "I've always wanted to write," instead of, "I've been querying for five years and still no-go." And this, in part, explains the many times I've just quit over the years.

Yeah, I've got some issues. It's not that I've had a series of bad critiques so I'm scared of what professionals will say. Quite the contrary, I've always had extremely awesome critiques from awesome people who know what they're doing, who always say they want to see what happens next. The group I belonged to had several published authors in it. So that should be encouraging, right?

And... right there. Yep, that's the point my brain gets in the way. My brain says, "Oh, those sweet people. They don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth. You know you can't string two words together coherently."

So, on top of trying to develop a schedule, a pattern of behavior I'll stick to, I'm trying to beat my traitorous brain into submission. I'm trying to tell myself that I don't care if the whole book royally sucks eggs, I'm going to finish it.

So there.

And, from last Thursday until today, I've written 1500 words. Ugh.

A New Experiment

Yeah. The title says it all.

I write mysteries, and I enjoy reading mysteries. I like to read books with strong characters, so that's also what I try to write. I read a lot of the blogs of other writers and published authors and try to glean as much information as I can from their experiences.

So I thought, why don't I share what I've learned?

And I've learned quite a lot. I started writing five years ago, and because I was just dabbling, I tried my hand at picture books. I thought the shorter the book, the easier it is, right? I admit I had no idea what I was doing. So I wrote a picture book of about five hundred words, (because that's what all the information out there said to do,) made a list of publishers, bought some large envelopes and postage, and sent my "masterpiece" out into the world. I didn't hear anything good. Mostly the letters back, if I got one at all, were all polite form letters saying a variation of "get a clue". One company didn't want to waste a whole sheet of paper on my form rejection, so I received a "no, thank you," on a fifth of a sheet of paper. Not encouraging.

So, I studied picture books. I read what authors had to say on the matter. And  I looked for advice wherever I could find it. Most of it was not helpful. In what other genre will you read advice that says, "make every word sing"? Geez.

So I quit. For a while. Okay, like a year. I was bad. I would start something new and immediately convince myself that I suck and I should stop pretending to be a writer. So I'd quit again. And it felt like I had an itch between my shoulder blades that I could never, ever reach unless I had a pen in my hand or sat at the keyboard. I know those of you who write will relate to that feeling.

Last week I recommitted to writing as a way of life. It makes me happy, if nothing else.

I write what I like to read now. I like to think I'm getting better at it. This blog will be about whatever pops into my head at the moment, and also probably a word count accountability tool for me. I'm a Texan exiled in Indiana, so I'll probably lament that some, too. If I have bad writing day, I'll also use this as a forum for my excuses.

Your patience is appreciated as I figure this thing out.

Oh, by the way, I wrote approximately 1500 words today.